My Magical Place!

Some one i used to know took their own life yesterday...

I don't really understand how to feel about it, i wasnt very close to her but i knew her and that...so i feel loss i guess...

I wrote a poem, however silly and insignificant. I don't think i deserve to cry for her or anything...so yeah...

Contents of frayed meanings.

 

In my mind,

It’s hard to take when it’s not defined,

When its dreams of just open rewind.

Cut the strings from a parachute,

Fly your way to paradise.

It takes a lot to lose your world,

Freedom comes at the price of life.

 

Battered wings so torn,

So worn,

The smile you shed

Doesn’t seem quite true.

I dont feel worthy to cry,

Didn’t spend enough of your time.

I know my guilty conscious doesn’t bleed true.

All that should matter is you.

 

I think of your sister,

The hateful words,

Lies.

Just lies.

She loved you dearly.

Sister's you were,
as sister's you fought.

I can think backs to a time, I looked back at you,

Looked you up and you seemed fine.

Funny how things change in time.

 

Is it obnoxious of me to say

I’ll never understand the way,

You found your reasons to float.

Fight for dreams on the other side.

Take a breath and reach for them,

For they shall flutter,

Your steps may stutter.

But they’ll always remain in reach.

 

For darling thought I barely knew you,

I wish you well in the fair beyond.

Dark clouds role and thunder darkens,

But heaven seems come far between.

 

You deserve more than just petty words on paper,

You deserve it all for what you lost.

For a life priceless in its experience,

Only levelled by its worth.

To fill a life with love and troubles,

Although it seems your was cut to short,

Due to troubles, pain, I doubt I’ll know.

It hurt’s that I never tried to help you.

Arrogant no? That I think my actions may have saved you.

 

I cannot change the past, but i can changed myself.

I’ll always watch for others.

Learn from you and watch you teach us.

As you fly on through.

yeah...uh...numbness...My prayers go out to her family and friends. and that of the person whom joined her. Is it terrible of me to feel some what happy she didnt go alone? I'm really confused on which direction to take on this...it's just a rant since i need to get my feelings out.

Bye guys xxx

Sorry to annoy peoples but i need a rant about why life sucks...actually my life isnt as bad as other people but it isnt all flowers an chocolate atm T_T

Righto~

I'm dyslixic...Ironic that the word for when people can't spell is a word...NOONE CAN SPELL!!!!

I talked to my english teacher about re-taking the subject after i got a D and i found out how i did on the exam...For the close reading i got better that i ever have but for the essays i got 16 altogether...which is what people got for 1 essay(and then complained)...i got it for 2...I felt awful...seriously i almost cried...

Apparently! the last two schools i've been too (i move a lot..) never got the information so the teacher is gonna chase it up on that...

What sucks more is that i text my friends (cause i have none at ma school the now, i'm not paranoid they seriously hate me, i have friends scattered about that i talk to in some classes but none in my "Group" well i kind of do...they talk to me when no one else will talk to them and come to me if they need help or to copy homework...) from my old school who are seriously my bestos and My Best Best Best friend...has changed so much that she can't talk to me when i'm upset cause she's busy and is "too depressed with her oh so perfect life" that she can't talk to me...well herlife isnt perfect and i understand that she has problems but i needed her and she didnt care...i always put aside my stuffs to help peoples...seriously ah love them to bits and would help them with ANYTHING...but yeah...i've stayed up countless hours to let her rant and give her advice wen she needed...i'm bein honest btw...*sigh* 

She's so self obsorbed...if shes not talkin about how great her boobs look its how much weight she's lost(which makes my friend who is trying to loose weight because of a condition feel like utter shit) an she bitches so much its unreal...she doesnt feel like my fiend anymore...

Like everyone i argue with her an everyone at times...with her more than others...but no matter what i'm always the one to say sorry even if someone tells me i'm not in the wrong...like for on time she noticed she wasnt helpin me wen im down an talked a friend who talked to me an the friend who told me was astounded at how selfish she was about it an how she turned it all around to be my fault when it wasnt an stuffs...wat had happened was that i had asked to talk to her an she said "can it wait i wanna tell you bout the party *-*" so yeah...uh...i feel horrible T_T

This is pretty much a bitch an it makes me feel terrible but its seriously bugging me...

I don't know what to do about some things...i did badly at the art writting as well after my A's and B's at drawin....which made my combined mark...cause they dont put your art work grade sepearte...at a C...which sucks T_T which means i got a D for a writting and my art saved me...I appealed it though so we'll see if it gets bumped up...

Ok...i think i'll shut up now...Maybe i should have cut this...oh well i'm to lazy now...

Give me tommozo to catch up~ 

I'm kind of down and don't feel like ranting about my shizzy life on here so i'm going to avoid doing so til i perk up...

my reason- Results came in...I only failed one but my Art grade wasn't what I expected...I can appeal to get it moved up because of the proof i can do better but if its my writting my parents are threatning to get at them and stuff cause i should "Have more support with my "Condition" i'm dislexic not dying...Ah well I'm young theres still time...

I'm annoyed with my friends slightly though...Theyve been less than supportive...

Ah burger i'm ranting...Anyways~ talk to you all soon~ 

1. I woke up *le gasp!!!*
2. had a shower ( OH GOD! I WASH O.O) 
3. Went on the Pooter...
4. Read the 6 texts from my friends...theyre at a sleep over party thing, they didnt sleep so i was kept awake textin em T_T 
5. Came to a disision.

One of my dreams has always been to start a band...a Visual kei or just jrock sorta influenced band....But i've never had the confidence to do more than discuss it...I found a comm though and people are advertising their own bands....so i've decided i may try that out..Its not like ive got noone to join...Alex a friend from school said she'd play drums an she's amazing at em O.o she's not really into jrock though so yeah XD I'm ok vocal wise...um...i got a one for singing at school which is top marks here in Scotland ... yeeeeeeeeah...

In other news...GINGER JUICE ROCKS!!! irn bru 4eva~ Wuvu Wuvu~ random cake ness ^.^ i'm going to go read then go a walk...then maybe have another go at guitar...i have small hands so it doesnt work very well XD

Byebye~ 

no its wrestling...my brothers watching it right now and if he screams at the tv one more time i shall attack O.o

Don't you hate it when you can't find a certain pairing of fanfiction your craving for? I just watched the Gackt, TMR & glay interview (omg the giggles killed O.o) and now i'm itching for GacktxTMR but...THERE IS NONE!!!! T_T I know where one is but it's more another pairing rather than the one i'm craving...

You know what i noticed though? THE INUENDOS ARE ENDLESS!!!! 

they like campfires ne? He said it suggestivly...could it be these are more than campfires O.O 

Fan girls shall now hunt for any rising smoke XD can you just imagine them walking in on Gackt while he roasts smores? *Dead*

I feel like watching the Gundam Seed Ep with Takanori's character again now...I loved that char before I knew it was him :O:O amazing XD not...

On another note...i'm lonely T_T it sucks being on the other side of the country...while my friends hav a mini party (*-*) oh well~~

I have to say i think i've grown up...i dont look like it but you never know!!! 

i don't whine as much...and plus i'm a happier bunny...Rini >3

I have abn obsession with butterflys...Kai did a photoshoot with like a butterfly design on his face...it was awesome...but you all know that~ 

I FOUND MY HYDE 666 CD!!!!! it got packed like...3 years ago when we moved and i found it finally!!!! *-* Hello know resounds from the speakers!!!!

I think i'll write a GacktxHydexTakanori fic...with Taka the main bottom...cause he's so pretty...wait..*idea* dude i'm a yaoi freak XD 

oh wells~ I shall attempt it...byebye :D 

Yup...i neglected my lj duty T_T

i appologize!!! i shall make an effort from now on (^0^)

OK...summer....has been since the 4th of july XD 

I havnt been on the computer for a while...

I gots a Laptop now ^^ 

i just posted it by accedent...EDIT!!!

anyone noticed how hot T.M.Revolution is? Taka-san is hooooooooooooooooooooot >3 teehee good mood good mood...im gonna go annoy my sister...

after that...back to comp to catch up ^^

Hope everyone has a good summer ^^ im offskeies~ Bai Bai~~

Honey's im hoooooooooooooooome~~~

6th year!!! its the shizz >3 i love my classies...and hate the people >3 ive made a couple of new friends :O kinda...unfortionatly its the same old same old an their scattered all over the place so i only talk to them in class XD 

offt~ advanced higher music and english..and art XD all the advanced highers itook...and a couple od int2's >3 int2 drama~~~~~ just for fun >3 cause i never got to take it since i was moving around the country~~

tommorow i have to read a book for english so i'll catch up on journals and ficcu's then~ i will comment where appropriate *bows*

anyways~ bed time! byebye!!

 *blinks*

im confuzzling my self today...

everytime someone says shou-chan or even sayzer-chan i think "shin-chan" XDXD 

i wrote a ficcu...

but im scared to post it >3 

i'll post it after me exams~...i better go study >.> lots to do~

Konbanwa~~~

Im extra hyper 2day >333 

i sorted most of my problems!!! yaaaaaaaaaaay

but now...

im moneyless XDXD

*amused* ive preordered the new gaz dvd :333 im looking forward to it~

OH OH OH!!! exams i think are going well :O:O

i took a break today and went to the library ^^ then i went on my piczo XP http://crazy0like0sayzer.piczo.com   check it out >3

Happy~~~

i want another ancafe poster...wah >3 im munchin on pink panthers :D yum

hehe random post...ovvvvvvver~~~

Ja ne!

I needed to get this out of my system so i thought LJ!

SO MUCH FOR A BEST FRIEND!!! *fumes* 
She thought that since she was angry she could make fun of rach for bein bi?!?!?! 
what gave her the freakin right?!?!?! 
Is she actually so stupid that she cant get passed it? i mean theyve been friends for years!!!
Waaaaaaaaaaaah im so angry!!! 
Its mostly cause of what she said thought... "looks like all bi's are sluts" or sumthing like that!!! well she called bi people sluts then left!!! waaaah rach must be soooooo upset but she wont talk to me 

mahn this sucks...
I hate livin this far away from everyone...
Grrrr...jenni is gonna get a slap from me for this. 
I dont care if shes like this cause her dads mega homophobic it doesnt make it right!!!
angry~~

and it wasnt just rach she insulted but all my friends that are bi...*groans*

life is soooooooo comlicated...

What the heck am i supossed to do mahn...waah 

i need to cheer up...er...

need...to...get...hyper...

Yay!! rach talked!! (im on msn lol)

Love is love waaaah why cant anyone see that?!?! 

im sooo annoyed....

hmmm...

what to do...


Anniyingly if i dont fix this i will actually have no friends...since things at school arnt looking good and with the exams i cant do anything about it...

on the subject of exams i better go to bed so i can stufy for my Modern studies an physics ones this week...

Wish me luck!! 3 more exams then i can catch up with posts!!! yaay!!!

 i did a hide piccu ^^ 

figured i would post it here as well XDXD 

now...

to study...yay....

¬_¬  

http://0sayzer0.deviantart.com/art/Hide-sama-Tribute-piccu-84527350

I figured i better say sorry to everyone for not posting or commenting...I WILL catch up with that =( so dont delete me or anything XD i'll cry...probably XDXDXD

my exams start next week and i have my art final on wednesday so im pretty scared...

i havnt been on to read any of your journals...

im pretty stressed so its hard XD 

study study study!

yay the month of exams!!! 

oh god...

i have to pass to get into uni...

EEK!!!! 

*panics* 

im also having real friend trouble...everyone is being mean to me...for reasons i dont know...i talked to tracy an she says they're just bein dicks...they are but yeah....thats mean...

i almost cried today after school and in school XD everyone ignored me so i just went up to the art room an tried to work...waaaaaaaaaah....the tracy talked to them about it an they blew up in her face an were meaner to me...meanies...hehe and my bro's being a big meanie...more than usual :O he started hittin me to look tough in front of his wee ned friends...meanies...

EEK IM RAMBLING!!! anyways~

Sorry for not commenting ect. but i will after next month =O and i need to read all drako_malfoy's ficcu's >.< ahhh stress...

Ja ne ^,^ wish me luck~~ *is sooooo gonna fail ^^;;;;;;;*

Happy bithday soushin_nokoe :D:D

have a good day ^^





i just had a wtf moment XD

my birthyear is 1988 on this....hmmmm...veeeeeeery strange XDXDXD

i really wonder y it is tho...

maybe i scrolled wen i was fillin in the information an did it by accedent...me no no 

ah well ^^ 

and also...ITS SNOWING AGAIN!!!

IM BACK!!!

:D i get to go on the comp since my hands hurt from playin guitar :D 

exams soon....

eheh...yeah....

fun XDXD

RHONA MADE ME AWSOME BANNER FOR MY FIC!!! *RUNS ABOUT*

"Banner made by Rhona at the-dark-arts.net" ^^ she my fwend

 

how amazin is that?!?!?!?!?!?
i hope it works...

its awsome though *____* im postin that fic soon :D im on chap 4 :D its an original jrock fic XD without yaoi for a change!!! XD im gonna update ma yaoi ones soon as well ^^

but for now...STUDY STUDY STUDY!!!

 im not gonna be on at ALL the next couple of weeks...

My music EXAMS not prelims EXAMS are comming up and i need to practice for my singing 1 as much as i can before then....i need to pass...

¬.¬ pressure much...and my math prelim is the same work...

wish me luck guys!!! *hugs everyone*

O.O

my parents are on apendictisis alert...

fook...

MY APENDIX MINE!!! 

*glare*

this is like the tonsil thing all over again XD

MUHAHAHAHAH now you all have to do it ^^  b_loomis that means you mostly since i did it for youuuuuuuuuuuuuu~~~~~

do it or i will smother you all in chocolate XP and eat you!!!

1) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
A.
2) What was your dream growing up?
A.
3) What talent do you wish you had?
A.
4) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
A.
5) Favorite vegetable?
A.
6) What was the last book you read?
A.
7) What zodiac sign are you?
A.
8) Any tattoos and/or piercings? Explain where.
A.
9) Worst habit?
A.
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
A.
11) What is your favorite sport?
A.
12) Do you have a negative or optimistic attitude?
A.
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
A.
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
A.
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
A.
16) Do you have any pets?
A.
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
A.
18) What was your first impression of me? (hmmm...careful!)
A.
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
A.
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
A.
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
A.
22) What color eyes do you have?
A.
23) Ever been arrested?
A.
24) Bottle or can soda?
A.
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
A.
27) What's your favorite place to hang at?
A.
28) Do you believe in ghosts?
A.
29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
A.
30) Do you swear a lot?
A.
31) Biggest pet peeve?
A.
32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
A.
33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
A.
35) Do you believe in God?
A.
36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
A.

:( i feel really bad...mentally...not physicly...

i need to vent but all my friends r busy an i hav no friends up here i can talk to...DAMN I HATE MOVING AND I HATE THIS FRIGGIN PLACE T.T  

waaaaaaaaaaaaah i need to cry and hug someone >.< ah well -_- i think i'll go draw an be antisocial... yeah...best idea ^^ 

would also help if my parents wouldnt talk about me WHEN IM STANDING RIGHT BEHIND THEM!!!

aaaaaaaaaah this is not healthy -_- oh yeah...talk too me about your poblems instead of keeping them locked up she said... WOULD HELP IF YOU CAME ON MSN OR LEFT YOUR BLOODY PHONE ON U TWAT!!! *growls* ooft bad day...ahhhhhhhh time 2 wonder up 2 my room and be depressive where nobody will notice...yosh! *marches*